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^^ To be honest, I'd prefer this kind of medication!

It's my mother's birthday tomorrow. I've barely spoken to her for months and I haven't seen her for months either... I'm  not quite sure whether to see her or not. Her boyfriend wants to as a surprise and to be honest, I do want to go as her birthday is only once a year; stating the obvious right there, but still.

I'm kind of stuck within a conflict. On the one hand she's my mother and I still have feelings towards her as a mother-daughter thing. I want a relationship with her and, even though I'd prefer to stay in bed, I feel obliged to see her. There's that word again: obligation. Stupid word. Ever feel obliged to do something and totally try and bury your feelings so that you end up doing something for someone else? Totally disregarding your own emotions and thoughts?

Anyway, on the other side of this conflict, I also feel guilty in regards to my foster parents. Seeing my biological family usually negatively effects me emotionally. My mother will go home at the end of it all, whereas my foster parents will be left to deal with the remains of me; the empty, depressive, emotional, zombie-like shell. A part of me doesn't want to do that to them. But then there's the conflict again!




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