Seriously Google, what goes through your mind when coming up with suggestions? I cannot stop laughing at this!

So, a quick update, as I realise my updating hasn't been amazing recently. 

I'm getting a skin graft on Friday. I was supposed to go in for surgery yesterday but there was some burns incident and it got rearranged. I spent that morning not drinking, not eating and denying myself any cigarettes and it was all a wasted effort! And that whole effort will start again tomorrow evening..

How did it happen? Well, the 'public' story is that my friend's lighter exploded and set fire to the glove I was wearing. The true story? I'm assuming it was self-inflicted. The problem is I have no idea how it happened. The problem with severe dissociation is you find that odd things, horrible things, and stupid things can happen and you have no clue about it until afterwards. The burns doctor said it looked like a lighter burn (hence where the lighter story came into it for when people ask and it's not appropriate to bring up the real reason). What I do know is that if I remembered doing it, there is no way I would've done anything this severely. 

I've never had a general anaesthetic before and to be honest I'm scared shitless. My foster carers have tried to reassure me but it's not working. I don't give a damn about the potential dangers, like not waking up. What I'm worried about is the fact I'm going to be half-naked and unconscious, surrounded by half a dozen people I don't know. Now is not a great time as the voices I hear are being very problematic. I've also had to take time off of work (the job I've not even be able to start) and ring in saying that I can't come in because I need to go to hospital. I was due to go in today, tomorrow and Friday. I could've gone in today and tomorrow if I'd known my surgery was going to have to be moved.. Now I feel guilty that I've got time off for no reason. It's not my fault but that's beside the point..

Anyway, I'm hoping things will go alright. I need to get my Twitter up and running again. I've had to take a lot of breaks from the internet recently. :O Much love all. xoxo.

I realise that I haven't been blogging as much as I used to. I'm getting back into it again now so hopefully a post more often than every fortnight will be good! 

I've gotten back into Neopets. I have no idea how it happened but I'm back on it again. If any of you play Neopets then feel free to add me, my username is swallowaspider. Great name, huh? It's definitely something to pass the time with and I've met some great people over the last couple of weeks.

Both good and bad things have happened. Bad things? I've resorted to drowning my sorrows through binge drinking on vodka which has been going on for a good few weeks. I feel horribly guilty about it but it's not a secret anymore. My carers know, as do my mental health team. I think it's slowly starting to become a problem but I know of no other way to cope right now. I'm hoping it's not a long-term solution. I just need a bit extra right now.

But to rule out the bad thing, we have a good thing that's happened! I went to an interview to see if I could get a volunteer position at an animal shelter (e.g. cats, dogs, small animals etc). I got through! I'm starting in a couple of weeks. That should be a good distraction and I'm hoping, as are my carers, that everything will kind of level out when I have my time filled up with something other than sitting and ruminating. We'll see how it goes. It means that after I start volunteering you might get some pretty upbeat posts rather than posts of my 'not coping well' scenarios. Please, don't follow in my footsteps right now.