I find it stupidly hard to take compliments. I never believe them. If anything I start wondering what they're going to ask me for after they're finished being nice; what favour they want me to do, where they want me to go, what sacrifice I'm going to have to make for them. I never take compliments at face value, I always read between the lines and look for motives, even when there aren't any to look for. Maybe it's just my paranoia, or my terrible self-esteem and self-confidence.
I did an adult ten-week therapy programme from January to March this year that was for 6 hours a week. There were 5 of us (6 at first but one guy left) ranging from the youngest (me) being 18, and the oldest in his 50s. Even though we had varying 'labels' stuck to us, we all found it really hard to take compliments from each other. One of the exercises involved us having to write down something nice about each member of the group. When we read them out to the member of the group we were talking about the guy running the group told us that we had to maintain eye contact, which we also found difficult to do. It helped though. Every session involved us having to say positive things about each other. It's all about having it re-enforced. We may still have had a hard time accepting compliments at the end of the ten weeks, but it was more bearable. We were able to hear it rather than tune it out completely.
For a long time, even now, I believed I was a liar, an attention-seeker, a manipulator; all labels that were placed on me to make out that I was crazy and that I shouldn't be believed about the abuse I went through. It's different now as my little brother has come forward, but getting back to the point.. When you get told something for so long, you start to believe it. For instance, being called a liar for more than two years, even though I knew that what I said was true, started making me question my own sanity.
If you spend your life being told that you're worthless, even though it's very unlikely that you are, then you start to believe it yourself. It doesn't become a possibility, it's a FACT. When it's ingrained in your head for so long, it's hard for something to change your opinion. You don't believe the nice things people say about you. You don't believe you deserve the care and support people give you.
You do deserve love. You deserve support. You deserve to be cared for. You may think negative things about yourself but they're unlikely to be true to other people. The perspective I have of myself is very different to what other people's perspective is. Odds are, your view has been slightly distorted. Start believing the compliments people give you and accept them. You deserve at least that <3.
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